---
title: Glorious Pain
date: "2024-11-22"
tags:
  - birdseye
  - nanowrimo
  - featured
---

**Summary:** Liz, Archie, Sialia, and William J. Swainson watch a human who insists that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And, well, who wouldn't want to be stronger?

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---

Good morning to you, child, Sialia, Mr. Swainson. Shall we start the day?

"Why, but of course. Are you all prepared for human-watching? Have you everything you need?"

Of course. Let us travel across the skies of Winnipeg!

"Excellent. Please follow me. The Forks are rather busy this time of year. If I ever needed a quick human, the Forks were a fine place to find one."

What accessible architecture! The highs and tumbles all mesh together beautifully. A bird could hide or swoop around this area anywhere!

"Another reason why it is such a perfect location for birds. Look at those humans arguing over there. That's usually a good sign to find interesting people."

Let us listen in, then. What an angry woman, pulling her friend close to her like that. That other man might be getting a little too close to them for comfort.

"Get your hands off of him! How _dare_ you insult him like that? Do you know what he's been through?"

"Woah, dude. Take a chill pill. I didn't even touch your friend there. I just called him out for being rich. Y'know, got his whole life sorted out before the age of ten by his parents and all that. You don't gotta act like I slept with your mom last night."

"Um, Sera, it's okay. Isn't this a bit of an overreaction…?"

"No! Absolutely not, Leo. If anything, I can't believe that you aren't reacting more! How can you let him say that to you? You lived in poverty since you were three. You scrimped and saved and worked as hard as you could just so you could feed both yourself and your family while going to school. _You deserve nice things._ It's okay to want for things."

"Damn, man. I didn't know you had a backstory like that. Sorry, bro."

"Yeah, well, you should apologise! Don't judge people by how they look, loser."

"Come on, Sera. I'm sure he didn't mean any harm. People are staring. Let's just go."

"Hmph. You value yourself _way_ too little. This world is full of injustices. I just want to see you succeed, Leo."

I daresay that this might be the most interesting human yet, this _Sera_. A blunt and direct person, isn't she? Let us follow these two as they leave the malls.

"Seraphina!" A new girl.

"Oh, hey, Amara! You can totally call me Sera, you know that, right? What're you doing here? Oh, this is Leo, by the way. Leo, this is Amara. We've been friends since high school."

"Heya. Great to meet you!"

"Nice to meet you too, Leo. Seraphi — sorry, I mean, _Sera_, I was gonna go shopping with Phoebe today. Wanna join us?"

Out of all of the noses I've seen, Sera's nose is up there for most expressive. That wrinkling is remarkably clear, even to birds such as myself.

"Phoebe? Phoebe Sinclair?"

"…Yeah. Is something wrong with Phoebe?"

"Not at all." That sniff says otherwise. "She's perfectly fine the way she is. I just wish I understood how she got to where she is today."

"Huh. Okay. Well, maybe you'll get to talk to her at Ethan's birthday party today. You're going, right?" Birthday? Oh, we must follow this girl.

"Of course! Wouldn't miss it for anything."

"Cool, cool. Phoebe's been waiting for me at Zara for a while now, so I'm gonna dip. See you tonight?"

"Yeah, for sure. Bye!"

"Nice meeting ya."

Child, this is a once-in-a-year opportunity! Humans' birthdays are incredibly significant to them, and the particularly interesting ones make a big fuss out of it and throw a party. You're incredibly lucky to see something so special at your age.

Mr. Swainson, please don't raise his ego. Garuda knows it's flying too close to the sun already. The humble bird gets the worm, as they say.

---

One more piece of advice to you, child: You can easily tell if a house contains a lot of humans by looking at the number of cars in the driveway. Usually, those with more guests have more cars, as the cars refuse to leave without their owners. From there, you can use the information in a variety of different ways. You could track the humans entering and leaving the home based on what cars they take and how many humans each car holds. You could also link the cars to the home and build a network of humans. The possibilities are endless!

In this case, we can use the information to easily verify that this is indeed the correct house. The richer humans with the larger houses are particularly nice because they usually have at least one open window somewhere that is suitable for human-watching. Additionally, the density of humans in the house is lower, so your chances of getting caught are much lower.

For now, let us find a nice open window to eavesdrop from. Oh! Actually, we can approach the window later. A new car is pulling up to the house!

"Hey Ethan — happy birthday! And Sera! When was the last time I saw you guys?"

"Phoebe! C'mere. Oh my god, it's been way too long. Love the necklace, by the way."

"Thanks! My mom helped pick it out for me last week."

"Hmph."

"Hm? Sera?"

"Nothing. Don't mind me. Why don't you come in?"

It's going to be difficult to squeeze by them. Shall we head to the window to continue their conversation?

"…and then I told my mom, so she was like, 'Do you need a new one?' And of _course_ I'm not gonna say no to a new phone, right? Sera, is something wrong? You've been kinda smug this whole time. I know that we've had our disagreements sometimes, but _surely_ you're over it now?"

"Oh, but of course. How could our _little princess_ here be troubled? _Everything_ must end up perfectly for her. Oh, the horror? How could you possibly be bothered by something as trivial as _disagreements?_ 'No,' she says, 'look at me! I'm so perfect and smart and pretty and I have so many friends!' Even though you haven't done a single _damn_ thing to deserve it. Acting so high and mighty like that — it disgusts me."

"What are you on about? Did I do something to you?"

" _'Did I do something to you,'_ she asks. More like what you _didn't_ do. _You're_ probably just here because you're Amara's friend. Honestly, I don't know what she sees in you. Have you ever been grateful for anything or worked a _single_ day of hard work in your entire life?"

"Hey! Don't mock me. Look, I don't know what your problem is, but this is getting out of hand."

_"My_ problem is that _you_ don't realise just how good you've got it while you brag about all of the _nice things_ you have to other people. Actually _good_ other people, unlike you. See Amara here? She _chooses_ to be kind even though she's experienced first-hand how cruel the world is. She lost the bright, innocent spark in the eyes of her childhood when her parents died, when _no one_ wanted to help her, and when her closest friend betrayed her. Yet _still —_ still she has ten times the heart that you do."

"Sera, _please_ calm down…"

What a proud human. But strangely…not for herself. She's proud of the people around her. Quite refreshing. I'd say that I've rather had enough of the usual narcissists. And, if I may say, with rather strong, correct opinions too. Listen closely to every word she says, child. There is much you can take from her insights.

"I will _not_ calm down, Amara! How can you possibly be so calm when there's someone like _her_ right in front of you, spouting things off like she knows everything?"

"I'm just a normal girl, Sera. It's not that big of a deal."

"Have you seen her _house_, Amara? She practically lives in a mansion. Her whole life, she's never had to worry about food, about having a roof over her head, about if she'll be alive tomorrow. And now she _dares_ enter into your lives without even a single sacrifice?"

All excellent points. Child, no matter how old you may be, you will remain a child in my eyes until you suffer true hardship. Learn that there is no free lunch in this world. Learn that if you truly want something, you need to _work_ for it. If you don't work for it, you won't get it. It's as simple as that.

There is no sense believing that all of the puzzle pieces will align one day, and suddenly everything will fall into place. That's at best a fantasy that should be relegated to stories. How can you possibly be happy if you've never been truly sad? How can you recognise success if you've never failed?

…Respectfully, _William_, I must disagree. Life is nothing without suffering. If one does not suffer, they cannot understand how other people who truly _do_ suffer feel. Those who experience more suffering are objectively better. Not knowing that only means that you have not experienced enough to understand the incredibly large range of emotions and experiences one can go through. I'd recommend going out and travelling more.

"Woah, woah! What's going on here? Ladies, ladies, calm down! It's a birthday party — let's not get too aggressive." Oh, go away, new boy. Don't break up the debate _now_. It was just starting to get interesting!

"Even if you're the birthday boy, Ethan, this isn't something I can back down on. Look, Phoebe. If Amara has her own reasons why she keeps you around, fine. I'll respect that. But why should you, someone who's been sheltered all their life by _mommy_ and _daddy_, knowing nothing but their love, never having to worry about food or shelter or survival be here over someone like Leo?"

"I gotta say, Sera, I'm on Phoebe's side here. It's not _wrong_ to be normal. In fact, I think that normal people are great! I love normal people. I feel like it'd be better if people _didn't_ have to go through things just to have nice things, y'know?"

"Huh? That makes no sense. What about all of the people who _do_ go through things? How is that fair? I disagree with my parents on a lot of things, but being grateful for what you have is something that we both share an opinion on."

"Why would you ever want to want to bring people down?"

"Amara?"

"I get trying to lift up people in pain, Sera. I do. But why would you ever want to push down happy people? I don't think that life is transactional like that. Phoebe and I equally don't deserve to get murdered."

"I agree. _Murder_ might be a stretch. But it's not equal. Things should be equal. Why aren't they equal?"

"If you really want to have this conversation, why don't we have it in the room over there?"

"Only if everyone hears."

"Oh my god, Sera. Why are you such a drama queen?"

"Ex*cuse* me? How am _I_ the drama queen? What about you? You chose to defend Phoebe by _yourself._"

"Sera, I like you a lot, I really do — I might reconsider after this conversation though, depending on how it goes — but you gotta come back down from your outlandish opinions, girl."

"All of the people you've talked to, Ethan and me and Chelsea and Ken and the many, many more I'm sure I don't know, we're all really grateful that you're so understanding toward us. But — well, I don't want to assume, but for me personally — I don't want to be treated differently. I just want what happened to go away. I'd rather not talk about it, y'know?"

"Why not? It should be a badge of honour. You should totally share it! You'd be way cooler to other people. Dark and brooding. _So_ interesting."

"…Is this how you thought the entire time?"

"Duh? I don't know why you're trying to stop me, Amara. You're all the way up there with so many more worldly experiences and perspectives, but I'm just here trying to get us lowly peasants up there so we can understand you better. It's hard to do that when you keep pushing us back down."

"Oh, Sera. Please tell me you're kidding. I didn't — there's no way you could possibly be _below_ me. It's…it's not helpful. At all. All I want is to just be a normal person in a normal world. That's it. You don't need to be that person for me. Don't — don't hurt yourself doing that. It's not healthy. And it's never worth it."

"There is no such thing as normal in this world. Everyone has their perspective, their side, their story. Everyone is different."

"Oh, no. Trust me. There is _absolutely_ a normal. And I strived for that for _so very long_, Sera. Way before I met you. Please trust me when I say that no one wants to experience trauma. It's _never_ a good thing."

"You're telling me that what I've been through wasn't _real_ trauma? When I asked my dad to shove my head underwater for fifteen seconds? When I asked George to tie me up against a board for a few hours? Drat. Maybe I should poison myself instead, that might have a stronger lasting impact…"

"You did _what??"_

"Oh, whew. You didn't know. Thank god. I thought it wasn't gonna count and I'd have to pull out all the stops to join the cool kids club."

"No, no, that's not what I meant. I — I think I might need to take a seat just to comprehend what exactly is going on. Maybe we could continue this conversation later."

"Yeah, yeah, no problem. By the looks of it, I might not be at your level, Amara, do you think I've suffered enough to beat Ethan, maybe? Maybe an Ethan and a half?"

"I…I can't. I'm sorry. I have to go."

"Oh, shit, Amara. I'm sorry. Did I trigger your latent trauma?"

"No, no, please — please leave me alone for a moment. Please."

"Ooh. Gotcha. Lemme know if you level up again!"

"Yo, Sera, what'd you do to Amara to make her run out like that?"

"She taught me that I have a lot of room to improve. Not as much as you, Phoebe, but there is still a great distance between me and her."

"Er… That's not _bad_, I think. So why was making an expression like she wanted to vomit?"

"Oh, y'know. People with checkered pasts often relapse into it, they get sad after something reminds them of it, and it's a true journey and a clear example of humans thriving through adversity that lets them overcome it. I'm really impressed by how she handled it, myself."

"Huh. There's…a lot to unpack here. Um."

All of these humans are so strange. They bear such strange expressions toward each other, as if they cannot understand each other. Bluebirds do not have this problem at all. Why don't they stare at each other and immediately comprehend what the other is thinking?

Or fight it out. That's always a clean and decisive way to determine any winners or losers. Hell, if I could, I'd fight on Sera's behalf myself. I've never met a human who so clearly understood our perspective.

When you grow up, go adventuring more. See the world. See its people, face its challenges, and suffer until you can experience the full range of bluebird emotion. All of these pussycat humans are cowards. Probably never worked a single day in their life. Never had to forage for food in the winter, or watch another human die.

To hurt is to live. How can one possibly know happiness if they are never sad? How can one possibly know pleasure if they are never in pain? These humans will never reach the heights of emotion, never achieve their true potential.

"Sera, I'm on your side!"

Ah, another sane human.

"Eh. Lucas, you don't count. You're not even at my level, let alone _them_. Glad you have the right mindset though. If you listen to me, you'll be able to understand the world more. Understand people more. And how could that possibly be a bad thing? I simply want people to broaden their perspective."

The other girl returns.

"Sera, could we talk about this later? It's Ethan's special day, and sometimes it seems like you talk about nothing but how people would be doing so much better if they just stabbed themselves sometimes."

"But they should! It'd be a learning experience."

"Sera…"

"Oh, right. Fine. Ugh, what a spoilsport. Right, guys?"

Hey. These are Sera's friends, aren't they? Why aren't they sticking up for her? Just because they share an objectively incorrect opinion doesn't mean that they can dismiss their friend like that. How rude.

---

"How was the birthday party?"

"Not great. Some sheltered rich girl was there and she was being a jerk. That kinda ruined the whole thing."

"You should be grateful that you even have the opportunity to go to such a frivolous event. When I was your age, I was already married and working, not fooling around and spending lavishly on snacks and treats. Consider yourself lucky."

"You keep telling me over and over again. I _get_ it, ma. Unlike some other people."

"Oh, sweetie. I know. There's not much you can do about it if they really don't want to change. You have to be willing to look at the flaws inside you, and it seems like these people just don't want to do that. It's a shame that there are so many like them out in the world."

"I told one of them that they should broaden their perspective and be more considerate, and she almost punched me!"

"Hmph. Ungrateful rats. Their parents must have been too protective of them. Didn't want them to get their hands dirty in the real world. Probably only went to the _sanitised_ plastic playgrounds. No, they were the ones _sanitising_ the playgrounds."

"They gotta be."

---

Sialia, I know that _you_ never wanted kids, but Mr. Swainson, I cannot believe you. I thought that as a fine, distinguished gentleman, you would have had the orthodox mentality that one must experience as many things in life as possible. This is an impossibility.

"Elizabeth, let me be frank. I have seen enough of the world, and I would rather my children not have to see the parts that they do not need to see. There are some things better left unsaid."

You are much too protective.

"There are things that birds _should not_ experience. It would be incredibly traumatic and have a terrible effect on their mental health."

Mental health? What are you talking about? Birds can function perfectly fine no matter what Garuda throws at them. It's how we thrive as a species. Why, my eldest daughter flew straight into a travelling car's windshield and she values her life all the more for it. I myself tried the same — with a slower car, to minimise the risk of injury — and found myself with a greater appreciation with the world.

"Why would you do that to yourself?"

To understand her and the experience. How could you be so aghast about this?

"Liz, you're an affront to all that pain stands for. Things hurt for a reason."

If one never hurts, how can one love? Emotions are relative. A bird with the emotional range as wide as a feather will never feel true, unadulterated joy. Birds — and humans for that matter — have to hurt sometimes.

That is what pain is — a reflection of happiness. Pain _helps_ us feel happy, Sialia, Mr. Swainson. It is a very good thing.

"Elizabeth. Let me ask you this. I understand that it may be difficult to change your mind —"

Absolutely.

"— but if you could put yourself in a situation where you would never hurt or feel sad again, would you?"

No! Didn't you hear a single word I said?

"Liz, I almost forgot to bring this up because of all the other crazy philosophical stuff you went on, but let me remind you that Juliette is _not okay._ I have no doubt that if you asked her, she would agree in a heartbeat to not have had her beak crushed in. She didn't and still doesn't _want_ that memory, Liz. Pain is something Garuda blessed us with so that we know what to avoid."

She can absolutely have memories that she'd rather not have but still are better for her in the long run. Children never want to do work around the nest, but you would still encourage them to do that, wouldn't you?

"That's what I'm trying to say. It's _not_ better for her in the long run. I can't believe I have to explain to you why making your children do chores is not at all comparable to She's deathly afraid of any moving object now. Don't you know that that's why she stopped human-watching with you? Why she avoids flying? Why she moved to Florida? She's so afraid that she never wants to experience anything like that again. She barely talks to the other birds, Liz. When was the last time you visited her?"

I… It must have been nearly three years now. I was not aware of this. Regardless, if she tries harder, she can overcome any obstacle. Give it some more time and she will surely rise up to the occasion and rise through the ashes like a phoenix to her new self. Stronger than ever before.

"Help me out here, William. She's not on my wavelength. Got any solid arguments to stop her from putting through Archie here through some sort of torture machine later on in his life? I wasn't worried before, but now I definitely am."

"How many years have you been human-watching, Elizabeth?"

Almost ten. Why?

"And in those ten years, how many humans have you seen that were hurt?"

Quite a few. Why?

"Most humans who are hurt don't express it. To my understand, instead, they actively try to hide it to reintegrate with society. There are a lot of them — both humans and bluebirds — that aren't able to fully. Maybe an equal number that aren't able to at all."

Suppose you're right. These people are harder to see in the world. But —

"Maybe we should drop this topic. Clearly we aren't getting anywhere. William, I'm sure you must want to get home by now. We've kept you for far too long. I'll stay with Liz, don't worry. At least until we reach the great mountain range. Help her keep an eye on Archie, too."

"My thanks for your companionship the way here."

No, no, the honour is all ours! Sialia and I, we've loved having you here. You've provided such a great perspective that we've learned a lot from. Perhaps in the future we could meet up and have more…insightful discussions in the future. I'd love to visit you in Montreal.
